I finally got my answer...

I got a call from the surveyor on Friday asking me to hang out with him. I really like hanging out with him, so I agreed to go. I met him, and we went to his co-worker's house to hang out. This co-worker usually gets some of the baked goods that I give to the surveyor. The surveyor told me awhile ago that he was sharing with a co-worker, and since then I've sent extra for his co-worker since. We had a great talk on the way to his co-workers house. We talked, ate pizza around a bon fire, drank beer and had a good time at his co-workers house. His co-worker even raved about all of the baked goods that I have sent, and asked me to keep sending them. The surveyor and I even talked for about 45 minutes once we got to where my car was parked before we each went home. Sometime during the evening he mentioned to the group of people that he had a date for a couple of days later. Before I got into my car to go home, I wished him luck on his date. He said that he didn't think that it would work out to be anything since she has kids. I had heard him say before that he didn't want to date anyone with children and didn't want any children of his own. I asked him why he felt that way, and he told me. Most of it was because he doesn't want his lifestyle to be changed by children. He said that he would probably just hang out with her "like we do". It hit me hard to hear him say that, since it confirmed my feeling that he only wants to be friends. I am happy to be his friend, and I think he's awesome. I have so much fun when I am around him. In thinking about it, it is good to know how he feels after all this time of wondering.

Late Saturday night I was crying and cursing him. I was crying because I now realize that I care deeply about someone that doesn't feel the same way back, crying because I needed to be held, crying because I am all alone and feel like I'll never find anyone. I decided that since I couldn't sleep that I would get up and check my email. I ended up looking through the listings on match.com. I don't know why I bother with the dating websites, since whenever I email someone they take one look at my profile and don't email me back.

I got a call from the surveyor on Sunday. He asked me if I was still at school or if I was on a break. I'm still curious why he was asking me that. I told him that I was in school and that I didn't get a break between classes. He thanked me for going on Friday and said that he liked talking with me and had a good time. I don't get him! I'm glad to be a part of his life on his terms. I'm glad that I now know what the terms are. I am always learning new things about the surveyor, which helps me to understand him more. I gave up trying to figure him out awhile ago, since I was always confused when I tried.

Gwen