Feeling so stupid...

I have been emailing a really nice older guy that I met through a yahoo group that I just joined. We have been emailing steady since Friday, and asking all kinds of questions about each other. I did a search on the internet for his screen name, and found a personals add he had with one of the dating websites, so I assumed that he was single. He seemed to really like me, and said that I was attractive and a sweetie. So, after deciding that I like this guy and would like to get to know him better, even if we just become friends, I sent him an email saying this. I received an email back from him saying that he was in a relationship, so we would have to just be friends. I had no idea that this was coming. I have no idea how to read men!!

I have been thinking quite a bit lately, and the idea of dating someone made me realize that I have feelings for a good friend of mine. I've been friends with him for a year, and have had a crush on him for that long. I just realized that I have more than a crush for him, and that no matter what happens with anyone else, my heart will always be with him. This makes me sad, since I have had no indications from him that he feels anything romantic for me, and I assume that he only wants to be friends. I don't want to mention it, since I don't want him to get the same look that every other guy I have professed my feelings for has. I can only describe it as a deer in the headlights look, and that ends the friendship right there. I would rather be friends with this guy than lose his friendship altogether! I don't think I've been all that subtle with him about how I feel, so I think he probably knows that I either have feelings, or that I did last year at this time. If he is anything like other men I've known, he's probably oblivious about how I feel.

I cried and cried last night. I feel like doing it again right here at work. Men are so frustrating and confusing. I wish it were as simple as it was in grade school when you gave the boy a note that said something like: "I like you. Do you like me?" and it had a box to check for yes and one for no. Ahh, if it were only that simple again.

Gwen