Oh My, Oh My

I am having the day from hell, and it makes me glad that it is Friday! It has been busy at work, stressful, and there are mad customers calling my boss and complaining about me. I'm doing better otherwise, but I did have a tough time on Wednesday night.

On Wednesday evening, I got a message from my ex asking if we are divorced yet, and said that he was "sick and tired of waiting around" for the divorce to be final. It made me believe that he's got someone lined up. That didn't really bother me, but it set in motion a chain reaction that led to be crying very hard and feeling stupid to even think that this guy I have been friends with would even be interested in me for any reason, even to be friends with. Of course, I had emailed and called this guy over the course of a few days, and he hadn't responded at all. It made me wonder if he is trying to politely tell me to go screw myself and leave him alone. I cried and cried, all the while feeling very stupid for thinking that anyone would be interested in me. period. I clearly was not going to sleep that way, so I decided to check my email. I had an email from this guy waiting for me, and he said that he had a good time when we hung out on Friday evening, and that I was cool. That helped calm me down, and made me feel like I was wrong for feeling this way. It wasn't the fact that he hadn't called that set me off on my crying spree, but a combination of feeling vulnerable over my ex's comment, my overtired state, and the fear that has been nagging me about this guy for awhile that I'm pushing to be friends when he doesn't want to.

Lately, I'm always confused, especially when thinking or talking about men. I feel like I don't have any idea about the oposite sex, and I'm in trouble now that I'm available for dating. Melissa Etheridge has a song about starting over after a breakup, and it really fits my situation. I cannot remember the name for the life of me (Bad Melissa Etheridge Fan, Bad!), but a line goes "my skin is painfully new". That's exactly how I feel! I'm scared, not to get hurt, but that I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I wish men came with instruction manuals! I was fine with a child without a manual, but men are so much trickier!!

Last night, my friend, Leslie came over and we had a good time. She is reading book: Bridget Jones' Diary: The edge of reason. We had a lot of fun reading this out loud, laughing histerically, and almost snorting soda out our noses. We also waited about 20 minutes on dailup for a gif on my page showing the woman flying off a treadmill, and watched it over and over like we were watching a train wreck! It's mesmerizing! Then we both wore the clip to the safety key when we went on the treadmill, to avoid flying off!! Not that it would stop me from doing it (LOL!), but at least it would stop the machine after.

Hopefully the rest of the work day flies by quickly! I think I am going to call this guy and thank him for the boat survey (he's a surveyor) that he dropped off for me on a boat I'm trying to place insurance for (I'm an insurance agent), and tell him the nice things that this particular customer said about him. I hope to get some sort of idea of how this guy is doing when I talk with him. He has been in a big rush the last couple of times I've seen him, so I haven't been able to judge how he is treating me now after we hung out last Friday! I know I said men are confusing, but this guy invented the concept of being confusing! I wish I was a mind reader!

Gwen