something in the cauldron

Good weekend. Ate too much bread (wonder why?). Did some writing. Surfed the web. I was enjoying my copy of NewWitch Magazine (not your mother's broomstick!) when I found an ad for CauldronLiving.com and really liked it.
The site has lots of chat groups on Pagan topics including parenting, gardening, cooking, and all sorts of cool stuff.

If you wanna have the same fun I did, check out:

CauldronLiving: http://www.cauldronliving.com/cgi-bin/index.cgi?action= (or google it, if the link if off).

NewWitch Magazine: http://www.newwitch.com/

That's Me: A Nut!!

Of course I'm a nut! It took me baking bread at 11:00pm for you to think I'm a nut? How long have you known me! LOLOL! I was up at 11:30pm last night trying to make a pie shell for the "Fresh Fruit" pie. When they deflated in the oven at 12:30am this morning, I gave up and went to bed! I guess baking is a little like hair coloring or sewing, it should NEVER be done after 10:00pm at night! I'm going to try it again tonight, but hopefully before the middle of the night!

Gwen

because....

ah, you baked bread at eleven at night because you're a little nutty, dear. but i love you - and the bread.

Introducing the newest member of our team...

If you will notice at the very bottom of the page, the newest member is "Ralphi". You can feed him, play with him, and pet him! Have fun reading our blog, but make sure to give Ralphi some attention!

Gwen

Mmmm, bread.

I was ambitious last night, and made a batch of bread. I don't know why I had it in my head that I wanted to bake bread (I'm a poet and don't know it! LOL!), but I did. I started at about 7:00pm, and the bread was done baking by around 11:30pm. It turned out really well, except that I have to practice forming the loaves. They look kinda weird! They tasted great, so that's all that matters! I was able to get a lot of homework done while I was waiting for the bread to rise and bake, so that's great. This is the last week in my two classes, and I have two final exams due by Sunday, and a quiz due today. It's crunch time!

I'm going to be even more ambitious tonight. I have berries, and plan on making a fresh fruit pie. Since I don't start in my homework until after my son goes to bed, I should still be pretty good to get my homework in today. I think that I'm starting to get the classes thing down, and I've been doing it for 2 months already! YIKES! It could be worse! I could never get the hang of it! I'm enjoying the class work pretty well, and it's usually not too stressful. It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would before I started in on the classes. Two classes down, how many more to go?!?

I may try making bread again this weekend. I had a lot of fun, and really want to get the forming dough thing down pat! The recipe that I made was from the Pie in the Sky restaurant that was in my hometown, and I worked there for 3 1/2 years until they closed 10 years ago. Eating the bread brings a lot of memories back!! I should try some of the other food that I used to make at the PITS. I haven't had any of it for 10 years, and it's about high time I did!!

I off- Back to work for me. NOT FUN, but it pays most of the bills.

Gwen

See if this makes sense to you...

I just did a web search on Scott Cunningham, who was the maker of the video that we were heckling along with countless other books, etc. On one page, they state that he died in 1993 of infections brought on by Cryptococcal meningitis. On the same page it lists his works from 1980-1999. Ok, Is it me or does it appear that he continued to write and publish 6 years after his death? Wow, that man must have been a powerful warlock to be writing and publishing from the great beyond! Maybe he just had all of these books written and stockpiled, and someone decided to keep publishing them after his death? That's probably the likely answer, but seeing that he published 6 years after his death is FREAKY!!

Gwen

lumos!

the big harry potter convo is on in vegas! i am sponsoring one of the discussion panels. lumos is very interesting because it is not simply a fan-fic or role-play convo. a lot of the people who put it on and attend it are college professors and other school teachers who are way into using h.p. as a teaching book for literature and sometimes ethics, gender-construction or spirituality. very interesting. i first found out about all this when they had a convo in salem mass. -- where i make pilgrimige at least once a year. i didn't make it to the h.p. thing, but i started tracking their yearly events. the website for lumos is http://lumos2006.org/ - it is full and running this year, but folks may want to become aware of it. it seems to be growing and i believe it will continue as an annual convo. plus it's just fun to picture all those elementary school teachers and goth, fan-fic slashers, crackers, and shippers holding forth in joint discussion panels. muggles, beware!

umm

not all wiccy-witches are sick. just us. and maybe the guy that made the aforementioned herb-magick tape. but it's fun!

This herb may be used for...

"This herb is good for love spells. I like to rub this all over my body and macerate with it." LOLOL!! The Madness continues!! We need to watch that video again, but I'll never be able to watch it with a straight face!

Gwen

Simple Math!

+
= YUMMY

choco-wierd

Yes. We are freaks. We spent Saturday a) heckling a low-budget, wicca film about herb magick b) harvesting herbs for brewing and drying (plus badly abusing the term, "maceration") c) brewing tea and then polluting it with far too much sugar, and d) chasing it with chocolate bars and tobasco pickles. Blessed Be.

Thanks!!

Leslie,

Thanks for the wonderful praise! I had no idea that I was so much! No wonder I'm tired and often very loopy!! HAHAHA!

Ok - by demand I will tell you a strange and disturbing snack trend in the Greater Bucksport area in the Church Road region. It was discovered and put into practice by Gwennie and Leslie! This involves eating something sweet (such as a chocolate bar), and then a couple of minutes later, eating something salty, such as Tabasco Vlasic Kosher Dill pickles. This combination is surprisingly good! I also do this with chocolate, and then olives, such as Feta stuffed or Blue Cheese stuffed olives. I have no reason for this madness, except that I like it. I'm positive I'm not pregnant, as the afore mentioned divorce and resulting celebacy rules this out. I can't use this for an excuse for my eating habits! Dang! I was doing this before I was pregnant with my son (who is now 3!), so it's not related. Now, before you rush out and continue this trend, give credit to the founders!! LOLOL!

yay!

Yay! Gwennie the Great has invited me into her super-cool world! Allow me to explain. I have known Gwen since we were both awkward grade-schoolers, praying for that particular torture to end. She is:

smart
funny
cool
open
tough
talented
patient
grounded
hilarious
inventive
mellow
accepting

and a: student, teacher, mom, gardener, chef, giver, metal-head, meditator, mediator, priestess, daughter, friend, activist, writer, and a doer.

Yay!

Mmmm, Chewy...

My best friend, Leslie and I were in a local Rite-Aid store awhile ago, when we spotted the Cali Girl line of Barbies. Of course, we had gone to the store to heckle the merchandise, and we were not at all disappointed when we found such a wonderful source of amusement. The Cali Girl Ken doll looks more like a butch woman than a man ever would, plus they reek of cocoa butter, which is enough to make anyone high just from holding them. They look like they have been hanging out at the local gay bar, or getting highlights on their feminine heads! The strong smell of cocoa butter is more than enough to make anyone high, even an elephant, so of course we now have a running joke about munching on Cali Ken's legs and arms to get a buzz. The funny thing is that we had to search for the barbie that goes with this set, and she looked more butch than Ken and Blaine, believe it or not. On top of that, she doesn't smell as strongly of cocoa butter. All these men dolls with their highlights and perfectly coordinated clothes, but you have to search for the women? Sounds like a gay bar to me!!

Gwen

Redheads and, um, turtlenecks

After some of my recent posts, my friend Leslie keeps telling me to share my opinions about redheads, their um, turtlenecks, and bonfires. Funny thing is when I hung out with the surveyor guy, we went to a place where there was a fire pit and it made me think about this one time in particular...

I was living in the San Francisco Bay Area, and was a practicing Wiccan. I found out that there were public rituals, so I decided to go to one. It was a burning man ritual at Ocean Beach in San Francisco. Ocean Beach is one of my most favorite places in the WORLD to this day, and I absolutely love it there, when it is SUNNY! However, most of the time you go to Ocean Beach it is cold, foggy, and drizzly. This day it was cold, but luckily clear. The ritual started well. We made a circle, dug a hole, and made a bonfire. They had made a 8' tall wicker man that they would later place on the bonfire as part of the ritual.

Ok, I wasn't at all new to wicca or rituals, so I was excited to be in a community of people at a public ritual. I was excited to see that there were families with younger children that were being tought to love the Goddess and God. Bonfires are cool, so I was even more excited. There was music and drumming, so we were getting into the whole ritual. As the evening went on, after the wicker man was dropped on the bonfire, the other people were getting into dancing around the bonfire. Cool. Before I knew it many people were stripping down NAKED and running to the shore and went swimming in the freezing water. Once they were frozen from the water, they then came back to the bonfire, and started dancing, still NAKED, around the bonfire. People, young and old, skinny and quite large, all dancing around very close to the fire, despite sparks being sent off by the bonfire. They are obviously suffering from hypothermia from their dip in the ocean, so they probably can't feel their skin?!

Ok, Here I am in my winter jacket standing in the spot I had been all along, watching in surprise what was going on. I was NOT going to get NAKED because I was FROZEN with my jacket on, and I was NOT going to get in water about 1 degree above freezing temps, since I was FROZEN with my JACKET on. Yet, I stood there unable to take my eyes away from what was happening. I wasn't uncomfortable with the people or nakedness, just cold.

So what does this have to do with redheads and turtlenecks, you might ask? "But, Gwen, You said they were Naked, what do you mean about turtlenecks?". Well, I will TELL you. Now, there is nothing absolutely nothing wrong with redheads. It's just a matter of personal taste. I'm not crazy about redheads, but I have learned that some people are. Now, there is also nothing wrong with uncircumsized men. I had never seen one, but they are out there and lead happy fufilling lives. Ok, we left me standing, FREEZING, at the edge of a circle of people watching people dance NAKED around the bonfire. When I was watching all of this going on, I happened to notice a rather strange looking man with long curly red hair, and freckels all over him. He was also naked, and he was flopping around, so I did look down and find that he was not circumsized. I have nothing wrong with an uncircumsized man, just had never seen one prior to this. Not only was it something I had never seen, it was also dancing, flopping, and flinging all over the place. I was not aroused, more like watching a trainwreck. I knew I shouldn't be staring, but I just could not look away for the life of me. It was like it was all happening in slow motion. I'm probably lucky that he didn't see me staring at his little soldier, or I'd have to fight him off with a stick!

To this day, I cannot look a red headed man in the eye with a straight face. Many people think I am a girl next door type who has led an uneventful sheltered life. Well, that's not ENTIRELY true. I just remember my experiences and smile.

Gwen

For more information about the SF Bay area's Wiccan community events, please visit http://www.reclaiming.org/

Migraine + Stress = Blaring Metal Music?!?

Migraine + Stress does not usually equal loud metal music, or at least for the average person. I have found out that when I am having a migraine, such as today, I really want to listen to heavy metal. Now, I am not talking Metalica, Korn, or anything like this. I'm talking about european black metal, gothic, etc. Oh, Don't forget Testament!! They are an American band, but they are awesome! It's been awhile since I listened to these on a regular basis, about 6 years. My ex boyfriend, Mike, got me hooked on this, and it always makes me think of the time that I spent with him in the SF Bay area! Somehow it makes me feel better!! The louder the better. I just spent most of my lunch break watching the birds walk by the waterfront in an inlet here in my hometown, and listening to My Dying Bride. Lovely name for the band, right? LOL! Well, there are bands with very shocking names that I will not repeat, at least not here right now. It made me realize that I have my life back. I don't have to live with being in an unhappy marriage with a controlling man. I can be whatever I want, do whatever I want, and not have to be told that I have to give up everything that makes me who I am. Hopefully the woman that I loved being is still buried in there somewhere. I know she is dying to come out!!

Gwen

I give up!!

I give up on everything! Life is so emotionally draining. I have a hectic schedule with work, home, housework, yard work, school, and trying to have a social life. I just want to curl up into a ball, and throw in the white flag. I surrender!! I need a vacation from being me. I need a vacation from worrying about money, school work, whether or not a guy likes me, and being alone. Can I have a standin for Gwen, and go lay on the beach somewhere for weeks? "The part of Gwen will be played by...".

As all of you know, I have been going on and on about this one guy that I have been friends with for about a year. I have dreamed about him for almost that long, but alas I was married (even though it was unhappily). After my separation and pending divorce, he came in to my office on another matter, and asked me to hang out that evening. Well, I had a great time and realized that I really like this guy as a friend, and more. I was excited!! After all, I've been dreaming about him for over a year, and now I am divorced. He is awesome, and I had so much fun. He also said that he had a lot of fun. He told me today that his friends all said that I was so nice, and they liked me. It feels great that I passed the friends test!

Ok, fast forward to a week and a half later. I've seen and talked to this guy, but something seems different. I am no longer excited about us hanging out that day. I've driven myself crazy thinking about this guy, and driven a few of my friends crazy by talking about this guy! (Sorry Guys!!) Now in hindsight, I'm pretty sure that he is not interested in me romantically. Last year he told me what his type is, and he said that his type is: 1) about 120 pounds, 2) No Tattoos, 3) No children. Dang, I failed ALL 3!! From the sounds of it, he is describing his ex girlfriend. Ouch, this is what I am up against?! She sounds dang near perfect, except that he found her with his arms around another guy! OUCH! Yet, he is being very friendly, and has flirted with me. I just don't know what to make of it, or this guy for that matter! I was in a relationship for too long, I just don't know how to read guys! The plus side is that he knows me, and he appears to want to be friends despite all of my confidence issues.

I have been feeling bad about my body lately. I really don't think this guy has that much to do with it. I would love to lose about 100 pounds, but I don't think that's ever going to happen. I have had a baby, and my body shows! I have stretch marks, and my stretch marks have given birth to more stretch marks! (I need to try to remember to keep them apart! LOL!) My breasts show the obvious tale that they were working breasts (breastfed my son). My skin is terrible everywhere, not just on my face. I am scared stiff at the idea that I will have to be naked in front of a man in the forseable future, unless I decide to become a nun and live in seclusion. I don't think that is going to happen any time soon! It was different with Mohamed. He knew exactly what I looked like naked, and he loved how I look. Someone else may just look at me and think "Yuck". I have to compete with thin young women with smooth skin and skimpy clothes! I have a wardrobe full of frumpy clothes, and no money to go out and buy stylish clothes! I barely have money right now for the bills!

I know that I am only recently divorced, and I probably shouldn't be thinking about other men already. I'm perfectly happy right now as a divorced lady, but would like to feel like I can attract and interest men. As it is, I feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life because there are so many prettier, thinner women with perfect bodies out there for men to choose from. Come on, even if they don't admit it, men are attracted to the thin women. There's nothing we can do about it! I can't make this guy attracted to me whatever I do. Either he is, or he isn't, and no amount of baking is going to change that. Yet, I keep baking for him, and thinking about him. I did realize that I am baking for him to make him happy, because I want him to be happy. Not necessarily because I am trying to get him by appealing to his stomach. If it has that effect, that's great - Added bonus!

Gwen

Oh My, Oh My

I am having the day from hell, and it makes me glad that it is Friday! It has been busy at work, stressful, and there are mad customers calling my boss and complaining about me. I'm doing better otherwise, but I did have a tough time on Wednesday night.

On Wednesday evening, I got a message from my ex asking if we are divorced yet, and said that he was "sick and tired of waiting around" for the divorce to be final. It made me believe that he's got someone lined up. That didn't really bother me, but it set in motion a chain reaction that led to be crying very hard and feeling stupid to even think that this guy I have been friends with would even be interested in me for any reason, even to be friends with. Of course, I had emailed and called this guy over the course of a few days, and he hadn't responded at all. It made me wonder if he is trying to politely tell me to go screw myself and leave him alone. I cried and cried, all the while feeling very stupid for thinking that anyone would be interested in me. period. I clearly was not going to sleep that way, so I decided to check my email. I had an email from this guy waiting for me, and he said that he had a good time when we hung out on Friday evening, and that I was cool. That helped calm me down, and made me feel like I was wrong for feeling this way. It wasn't the fact that he hadn't called that set me off on my crying spree, but a combination of feeling vulnerable over my ex's comment, my overtired state, and the fear that has been nagging me about this guy for awhile that I'm pushing to be friends when he doesn't want to.

Lately, I'm always confused, especially when thinking or talking about men. I feel like I don't have any idea about the oposite sex, and I'm in trouble now that I'm available for dating. Melissa Etheridge has a song about starting over after a breakup, and it really fits my situation. I cannot remember the name for the life of me (Bad Melissa Etheridge Fan, Bad!), but a line goes "my skin is painfully new". That's exactly how I feel! I'm scared, not to get hurt, but that I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I wish men came with instruction manuals! I was fine with a child without a manual, but men are so much trickier!!

Last night, my friend, Leslie came over and we had a good time. She is reading book: Bridget Jones' Diary: The edge of reason. We had a lot of fun reading this out loud, laughing histerically, and almost snorting soda out our noses. We also waited about 20 minutes on dailup for a gif on my page showing the woman flying off a treadmill, and watched it over and over like we were watching a train wreck! It's mesmerizing! Then we both wore the clip to the safety key when we went on the treadmill, to avoid flying off!! Not that it would stop me from doing it (LOL!), but at least it would stop the machine after.

Hopefully the rest of the work day flies by quickly! I think I am going to call this guy and thank him for the boat survey (he's a surveyor) that he dropped off for me on a boat I'm trying to place insurance for (I'm an insurance agent), and tell him the nice things that this particular customer said about him. I hope to get some sort of idea of how this guy is doing when I talk with him. He has been in a big rush the last couple of times I've seen him, so I haven't been able to judge how he is treating me now after we hung out last Friday! I know I said men are confusing, but this guy invented the concept of being confusing! I wish I was a mind reader!

Gwen

What now?

I am starting to realize that I don't know anything about dating! I'm scared! I was married for over 4 years, and before that I was in a long term relationship for over 4 years. I met my ex husband online, so we didn't actually date much until after we knew each other more. I don't really know how to meet someone and determine if they are actually interested, etc, without going online. I'm petrified at the prospect of dating again. I want to, but I feel like a social leper! I actually feel like a cross between a social reject and one of those poor people who have no idea of how to behave in public, and have no real social skills! That may not be true, but that's how I feel.

I am friends with this guy. I don't think that he wants to be anything but friends, but he is very flirty. I like him, but I am always confused. I'm happy to be his friend if that's what he wants, but I don't know if that's even what he wants. He's king of the mixed signals. I hung out with him recently, and I had a blast. I learned so much about him that made me even like him more as a friend. I'm so confused!!! It would be much simpler if he sat me down and said either I "like you" like you and I want to get to know you, or I like you and would like to be your friend, or even to get lost. I've just assumed that he just wants to be friends, and it makes more sense. I just wish that I knew for sure. I've put myself through hell trying to think things like if I should call and talk with him, should I leave him alone, is he getting annoyed and just wish that I would go away forever, or does he want me to keep contact with him? He keeps telling me to keep emailing him, but he rarely sends anything back now. He did say that he was busy and that's why he hasn't emailed me back. If I was a mind reader, it would all be so much easier!! I keep thinking that if he was truly interested, he would make more of an effort to contact me. On the other hand, he did just invite me to hang out, and then called me at home over the weekend.

I wonder how well I'll do as an unattached woman, or if I'll end up as an old maid in my house deemed to be the crazy old cat lady!! LOL!

Gwen

It's monday, but I'm feeling pretty good!

The amazing thing is that it is Monday, and I'm in a good mood despite this! I've got a copy of one of my best friend's book manuscripts, and I can't wait to start reading. She said that I was even a big influence in the book. It sounds like I was part of one of the characters, and one creepy psychic guy that we made fun of (we nicknamed him "wax-lips", because he had huge lips) is in as one of the characters. I'm excited.

Also, I got a chance to hang out with a cool friend on Friday night. I had so much fun, and made me feel young. For so long I can't count the years, I have stayed at home when I'm not working and not done anything. It made me feel about 90! My friend was so fun, and it was a blast hanging out with him until after 1:00am. This got me in a really good mood that has lasted even until today!

Gwen

Finally Divorced!!!

I finally got the final divorce decree in the mail yesterday. According to the magistrate, we should consider the divorce final once we receive this in the mail. I feel relieved that this process is finally over, but I feel strange about it too. I have been single, and have been married, but never divorced. In my opinion, the label divorced signals that you are a failure, or a defective/damaged person who could not do something a simple as be married. What if you are out on a date, and you are asked if you've ever been married. You say, "Why Yes, I'm divorced". Isn't that a red flag? "Warning: This person is damaged goods. " It's like red alert on Star Trek. The lights go to red, and sirens sound. LOL. I guess that should be tattooed on my forehead. I'll never be single again, and forever be branded "Divorced". I guess it's a good sign that I'm not that upset about the ending of my marriage, but more upset about my marital status. It could be worse. I was the one that filed for divorced, so it wasn't unexpected. The divorce was a long time coming. I am getting pretty lonely, though. I expected it. I had never lived alone before this. Well, technically I live with my son, but that's not quite the same as living with another adult. My friends and family are trying very hard at keeping me busy and get me out of the house. It is helping, but I am still feeling the effects. I'm not going to jump into a relationship with the first guy that comes along. However, it would be nice to have that new love feeling again. It's been a LONG time since I felt that!

Gwen