I'm sore but really happy!

I went last night and got a tattoo. I have wanted to do this for at least 6 months, and have wanted another tattoo for the last 10 years. My best friend, Leslie went with me she took care of my son and took tons of photos. I couldn't have done it without her there, and she was so great! It's hard to tell from the pic on my page what it really looks like since my skin was so red. One of the butterflies in pastel pink and blue, the other one is in pastel aquamarine colors. The pink and blue symbolizes the miscarriage since I didn't know if it was a boy or girl, and the aquamarine is the color of his/her due date month. Butterflies are a symbol of pregnancy and also miscarriage which is why I chose this design. When I took off the bandage this morning, I was just amazed how vibrant and beautiful it looks now that the redness is gone!! You should have been there to watch me trying to wash it and put on the ointment this morning since it's in the middle of my back. It would have been quite entertaining if it weren't happening to me!! LOL! I may have to put Azize to work rubbing the ointment on my back! Hehe!

I'll have to have someone take a new pic to show you the colors now that the redness and swelling has gone down. It's exactly what I wanted!!!

~Gwen

Back to School and other stuff

I am excited and nervous! I have put myself back into classes! I took myself out of classes in November, and now it is the end of January. I hope that I'll be able to do it and not crack. I start on Monday, which isn't even much time to get used to the idea.

Azize is almost potty trained, thanks to my mother! When he is at her house he will go to the potty by himself, and he even flushes the toilet. Who knows if he will do the same thing at my house. He never wants to sit on the potty at home, but when we are at my Mom's or at Day Care he will. Who knows why. I'm just very happy!! I've been trying to get him to this point for the last year or so with no luck. I guess he wasn't ready. Now he loves to wear his undies but hates to be messy. I guess I can't blame him!!

I'm still sick. It's down to just a constant sinus pressure with post nasal drip and cough. I'm praying that this doesn't turn into a sinus infection, but I seem to be highly prone to them. It's been two weeks, so I think that it's probably already there. :o( I hate this time of year, and I hate being sick!!

I have been down lately and I'm not exactly sure why. Things are going very well with David! I have absolutely no complaints there! He is wonderful!! He treats both me and Azize very well. I'm trying not to let my past experiences influence this relationship, but every so often the past creeps in and I start crying. David has been so understanding when that happens, and has just been there for me until it goes away. What can I say, I think he's great!

~Gwen

Update

Hi!! Not much new here. I've been flat on my back sick with a cold that I got from my boyfriend. I guess that it's partially my fault since he didn't feel well and wanted to go home so he wouldn't get us sick. I insisted that he stay. lol!. The worst part has been the sinus part which has given me one heck of a headache but not too bad. I stayed home from work on Monday and Tuesday. Azize didn't want to go to day care today since he'd been home with Mama every day since Saturday.

I ran out of heating oil yesterday, and of course it was a day before I get paid so I had no money. I was able to talk my oil company into coming out and delivering some oil so now I have heat. I had to give them a check which they said they'd hold until today (no biggie) when I get paid. I'm even on a payment plan for my old balance, so that's good.

I've made the decision to take money out of my retirement account to help pay for some of the bills. I'm getting behind on the bills, and I really don't see another choice. I think this will help quite a bit with my stress, and if I can get some of the smaller bills paid and my credit cards paid down it might help my situation quite a bit overall. It'll be about a week until I get the check, but I'm looking forward to getting it.

I have been considering renting a booth with my boyfriend at an antiques type shop here. The owner is friends with my boyfriend, and the booths wouldn't be that expensive each month. He wants to rent one to sell some of the things he has purchased at auctions. I offered to split the cost with him and put it under my name. Now I am excited, since I've been to the auctions and you can get some really nice items at very low prices. My mom and I have some dishes that we bought when a shop was going out of business here with the idea of reselling. We haven't decided yet, but I like the idea.

Gwen

Depressed :o(

You guessed it, I'm depressed. I'm so sick of worrying about money, my messy house, everything I need to accomplish, getting everything done, etc. I don't even know why I'm depressed, but I am. I have so many people who care for me and love me, but I feel so alone. It's not anything that anyone did. Everyone has been so wonderful to me. Everything has been so wonderful with David, and when I am with him I feel so good and cared for. Maybe I'm just overtired and overstressed!

~Me

Money, Rant and Stuff :o(

I'm so sick of not having enough money. The more I think about it, the more I want to yell at my damn ex-husband. I still haven't gotten any child support, which is really taking a toll on me. I am under so much stress trying to figure out how to pay all of the bills, buy groceries and gas, not to mention all of the bill collectors calling me because I just didn't have enough money to pay everyone. It would be so much easier to bear if I knew that he was actively looking for a job. Well, he is sitting in Morocco with his parents NOT looking for a JOB. He is on VACATION and not looking for a job while I am scraping enough money to buy the bare essentials for groceries, gas, and bills. Granted his parents purchased the ticket, but he is sitting on his ass doing nothing!!! I just want to scream!! He has been out of work since the middle of November, and he could have easily found work at a store or something until he found something better, but No!! Grrrr!!

On a better note, things with David are going really well. It will be 1 month tomorrow since our first date, more than that since we started talking. I feel like I've known him for a long time, with the benefit that we still have that new relationship high feeling. I'm so comfortable with him, and I believe that he is comfortable with me. He is great with Azize, and he is more than wonderful to me. It's amazing how well we're getting along and how much we like each other even this early on. He's everything that I was looking for and not finding. It's not very often that the person you were looking for contacts you and thinks that you are awesome and wants to be with you!

~Gwen

Oy Vay! I need a drink! LOL!

My morning is not going very well. Two women in my office took it upon themselves to hold an "intervention" of sorts, telling me that I need to dump my boyfriend because he is being controlling and because he is depressed. Not only have the never even met him, they are basing this on listening in to my half of a phone call I had at my desk with him on my lunch break yesterday. They know NOTHING about him, but they insinuated that being around him will cause me to be a bad mother. They didn't come out and say it, but that is the message I got loud and clear. NOONE calls me a bad mother!!! I may be a lot of things, but I am a GREAT mother!!

I did have some good news though. My monthly mortgage payment is actually going to go down about $50 because of changes in my escrowed taxes and insurance. Plus, my weekly paycheck has increased because I got a recent raise and changes in my tax withholdings. I have been having a lot of trouble lately paying the bills because I haven't gotten anything from my deadbeat ex-husband since the beginning of November. Plus, my mom has agreed to watch Azize on Thursdays and every other Friday from now until the end of March. That will save some on day care, so I may be able to get through the winter months and maybe actually pay the bills. LOL!

~Me

Train Wreck

I have been an emotional wreck for the last couple of days. There is no one cause behind it. For the last two nights I have actually broken down crying for almost no reason. I just started my period, so I know that is part of the culprit. I usually go to tears over every little thing at that time of the month. I have been also under a lot of stress at work, and about money (especially money as bills are piling up with no end in sight!).

The last two nights I have cried to David. Even though I didn't mean it that way, it hurt him and made him feel that he had done something wrong. The thought that I might have made him feel bad makes me feel terrible. I care about him so much that it hurts me to think that I have caused him even the slightest pain or sadness. In reality, the reasons behind my tears had nothing to do with him or anything he had done. He is so sweet, caring, and kind. I'm so lucky that he found me, and that I was able to see him for the wonderful man that he is. I have no complaints about him at all!

~Me