Going Crazy!!

I feel like I'm going crazy! I feel like no matter how hard I work, or what happens, that I am behind on everything and cannot get caught up. I am very behind at work, and drowning in work to do. There are a few things on my desk that are ticking like a time bomb to blow up. When they do blow up, it's big since I could get sued!! I am behind in my school work, and I am not doing well in one of my classes. It seems that no matter how hard I work, I cannot get caught up and I cannot get good grades. That is really stressing me out, and making me wonder why I chose to go back to school. I'm seriously thinking about dropping out, and it almost seems like the best option right now.

I'm overtired and have been breaking down crying at every little thing. I can't get enough sleep since I've been up late every night working on school work. I can't seem to get anything done at home since I have no time or energy from being so tired. The house looks like it blew up, or like pigs live there. The lawn hasn't been mowed. The house needs someone to come along and toss half of it's contents out. After all, why do I need to hang onto all of this stuff. The answer is because I don't have the energy or time to go through and get rid of stuff.

I've been constantly worrying about money. More precisely, the lack of money. I have been getting behind on bills, and haven't had money to buy stuff like food or clothes for my son. It's really stressing me out trying to figure out the money situation, and having to worry about how I'm going to pay for gas since I only have a few dollars in my account and my gas tank is empty.

I also keep wondering how I'm coming across to my boyfriend. Am I being too clingy? I keep crying to him, but I don't know how to convince him that I'm not crying because of anything that he has done. Does he think I'm crazy? This relationship so far has been difficult because of his crazy schedule, and my crazy schedule. I things were easier.

I was going through Azize's old clothes last night to give away. I was sorting them by size so it would be easier for the person that receives them to go through and use the size that they need. All of a sudden I start bawling my eyes out at the thought of giving these clothes away. It's not rational, and it's not like I need these clothes to be happy, but I was still bawling. I remembered Azize wearing these clothes, and then thought that I might not have any more children. I am not even sure if I want more children, but that thought really made me upset. What if I give these clothes away and I do have another child? What if I keep these clothes and never need to use them again and they end up staying in his closet forever?

I'm feeling like such a nutcase! I am just under so much stress that I can't deal with it. I just want to crawl under a rock and die!! That would be so much easier than dealing with all of the stress that I am under right now!!

Gwen