I'm on a new medicine, which is supposed to help with my daily headaches. The problem is, it is making me exausted, as well as just feeling off. I'm not sure if I have come down with a cold, or if a lot of this is from the new medicine. The good news is that I have finally ovulated, on CD 30!!! My fertility monitor stopped prompting me to test on CD25. Hopefully the monitor will prompt me to test a little later next month, and eventually my ovulation will show up on the monitor! It's frustrating. I did finally get the chart on fertility friend to mark my ovulation, though, which is a first!! I am now 6 Days Past Ovulation (DPO), and will test next week. We did BD the day before the ovulation was marked on my chart, so I have some hope for this month. If not, there is always next month. I feel like I am finally making progress in the charting though! I am starting to get it! YAY!! I guess it doesn't take much to make me happy when it comes to that! However, I took my son to the doctors yesterday. I made the mistake of stepping on the scales, and almost fell back and had a heart attack. It's a good thing they have seats in the exam rooms! I guess I need to start a diet very soon! YUCK!!!

I'm sorry I haven't posted lately! I have been sick. Last week it sounded like a frog jumped in my throat and died, and it's only gotten worse. I've been home wishing myself better ever since! On a better note, I have started reading more of the Taking Charge of your Fertility. So far, it is great. I would highly recommend it to everyone! I haven't gotten very far, but it's cleared up a few things for me already. I found out that I've been a little off on reading my CM, so that's positive. Maybe now it'll be easier on that end. I've decided to also start checking my cervical position, or at least trying. Who knows if I bend that way! LOL!

My chart has been very screwy!! I had a spike in my temp yesterday, but I think it may have been a fever. I had a very low today. I think I may be ovulating today, so that's good. I'm not sure, but hopefully my temps will back me up. My monitor is off the testing phase, so that's not very helpful!

I'm staying positive. I'm still in the learning phase. I'm getting to know my body. I've lived in it for this long, and I still don't know much about my cycles, etc. Of course, everything was thrown for a loop after my miscarriage.

Beautiful Poem

I was forwarded this beautiful poem by a friend from one of my yahoo groups. I just loved it. It's a tear jerker! It can also be found at:

http://www.amomstouch.com/canyoubeamotherpoem.htm

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say...

A mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother
when your baby is not with you?

Yes, you can He replied,
With confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others just for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved Oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom
Who has so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy Oh so much,
But I visit every day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And I whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So, you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are not blue.
Your babies are here in MY home,
They'll be at Heaven's gate waiting for you.

So now you see what makes a mother,
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And they'll know you were the best one!

by Jennifer Wasik in memory of Zachary Thomas Wasik

The Day After...

I survived yesterday, which was my due date. It was very hard for me to get through. I keep feeling like I should have my baby by now, either to hold, or still kicking from inside me. I went to visit with my Mom yesterday, which really helped me to not think about it. If I had just gone home instead, I would have sat down and cried my eyes out. Still no sign of ovulation. I am getting a little discouraged. It seems like my body doesn't want another baby, even though I do. I have found myself drawn to every baby I see. Even when I am playing the Sims 2 game, I have all of my sims get pregnant soon after I start playing them. I even named one of the children after the baby I lost, Hbiba, so I can see her grow up! I miss her so much!!

The light of my life

Here is my son, Azize. He's 2 1/2, and he's everything to me. When I learned I was pregnant with him, I was so happy! I had wanted to have a child for a few years. It was like a dream come true. He is such a well behaved child, and everything he does just makes me love him more. He is now talking away. I call him my parot, since he repeats almost everything I say, or he hears either on TV or from people around him. This picture was taken after I had made a lace bowl on my embroidery machine. He took one look at it, said "My Hat", and put it on his head. It took me awhile to get it back! Just being around him just makes me want another child!

Today is My Due Date

Today is my due date, and I am feeling this hole in my heart even more today. It's been about 8 months since my miscarriage, and it still feels like yesterday. I am still TTC, but I am getting discouraged. I am charting, using my monitor, monitoring my cervical mucus, and it's not making any difference. I am starting to wonder if someone made a mistake on my monitor, and forgot to build it to give any other readings except high. LOL! :) It has given me high readings since CD 6, and I am now on CD 23. Still no ovulation. I am about to give my ovaries a pep-talk, either that or a stern lecture. It's frustrating to be in this holding pattern. We've been ttc since Mid November, so it's really not all that long. It just seems like forever. I have a wonderful toddler, Azize, who is the light of my life. I just wanted to have more than one child - meaning more than one LIVING child. I have had two children, just one left before I could hold it.

Hbiba, I miss you!! Happy birthday from Mommy, Daddy & Azize!