I knew it!

Ok, I read this somewhere and just had to copy it and post it here because it is one more thing *snipped to remove soon to be ex husband reference*

When a guy misses you

Guy Facts:

When a guy calls you,

he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,

He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,

He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine." after a few minutes

he means it

When a guy stares at you,

he wishes you would care about him

and wonders if you do

When your laying your head on a guy's chest,

he has the world

When a guy calls/texts/comments you everyday,

he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you,

he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you,

he's with you til your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"

he misses you more than you could have

ever missed him or anything else

An update, it's been awhile...

I have been dating someone new. It's someone that I've known casually online in one of my yahoo groups for a few months, and have talked to online every so often, both on group and off. I kept an eye on the fact that he had been quiet online and his myspace status updates did not sound like things were going well for him so I would send him a note each time he made an update just to see how he was doing. Well, after I broke up with John, he did the same to me and kept an eye on me to see how I was doing. We ended up talking every day first through email then through messenger, then online. When I met him in person I was amazed how much I had in common with him, and by how attracted I was to him from the very beginning.

It's been 3 weeks since we met, and being with him feels just wonderful. We are so alike it's amazing, and in the few ways that we're not alike we compliment each other perfectly. There is also this amazing energy between us that I feel when I even stand next to him even if I don't touch him. It feels like we've known each other our whole lives but it still has the wonderful exciting new feeling. He amazes me by the way he is so supportive and there for me when I need him. He hurts when I hurt. He simply amazes me. John is still harassing me. It's been a month or more, and he is NOT going away! I'm so fed up with this selfish behavior. He still has pics of me and my son on his myspace, which I hate. I don't want to talk with him because that makes him harass me even more, but I have to find a way to get the pictures removed.

Oh, that's sucky that I ended on such a negative note. :o(

Gwen

I'm feeling good for a change...

I have been feeling very depressed for the last couple of weeks. Of course stress and harassment from my ex did not help how I was feeling. I am usually pretty confident about who I am, but lately I have been feeling very down on myself and very unattractive. No specific reason that I should because I got immediate attention from a few guys when they found out that I was single again. This should have made me feel good, but it didn't.

Part of it is that I am very self concious about my weight. I have gained about 30 pounds since my divorce, and about 50 pounds since the weight I lost when I came home from California in 2000. I've always been a little on the... how you say... Ample side. It's just getting to the point of being uncomfortable and causing hip/back pain. I needed to do something so I started weight watchers last week. In the past week I have lost 5 pounds, which is an accomplishment for me. I plan on keeping it up!! A good friend of mine gave me pointers on excercising, so I'm geared up and ready to go. I talked with a good friend last night that was going through personal problems and was feeling down. Now, for those of you that don't know me, I am a very nurturing person and I jump into action when either someone needs me or needs reassuring. I'm simply wired to nurture. Makes me a good Mom, which is something I'm proud of. We ended up talking off and on for hours, and I got to laugh which I haven't done in awhile. Thank you so much. It made quite a difference on me. I helped you, and you ended up helping me.

Thank you to all of my close friends that have listened to me bitch, cry, bash myself, made me apologize to myself, and have just been there for me when I needed you most. You know who you are. I love you all with my entire heart, and I could not have gotten this far without each of you! You have all touched my life and my life would not be the same without you.

Ok, that's all. Now I'm ready to cry again, but at least they're not depressed tears.

Gwen

16 years today...

I can't believe it's been 16 years to the day since we lost my cousin, Deena. Feels like I saw her only a few months ago. I will always love you with all my heart and miss you with all my being.

Oy, are we doing this again?

I do feel like a weight has been lifted off of me since I broke up with my boyfriend. It's not that I didn't care about him, because I did. It's not that I didn't try to make it work or that I wasn't happy because I did and I was. I'm just relieved to not have to deal with his insecurities and him getting upset every time I talk with another man (even just a friend) and him being jealous. I'll be so much better once he stops harrassing me because it's killing me. I do have some of his stuff at my house (that I haven't been to in a week), so I'm not going to file a PFA (protection from Abuse) until I return it to him. I don't want him to cause trouble saying I refuse to give him his stuff back when I just haven't had time. I've been busy taking care of my Mom and Gram after all in addition to dealing with him harassing me, so I don't have time to rush over and gather up his crap that he left around my house.

I am doing better today. I'm a little intimidated about thinking about dating again. Not that I'm going to rush into it or anything. I haven't had good luck with men in my life. The only good relationship I had was when I was 18, and that relationship died down to nothing so I left after 4 years. It's amazing how much of a different person I was then. I was downright scared to start dating again after my divorce, but I have had more experience with it since then. Not necessarily good experiences, but still more experiences. *sigh*

Gwen

Update

I'm on the verge of tears right now and I really don't know why. I did break up with my boyfriend that I've been with for almost 7 months last week. However, I didn't really feel sad from the breakup. I was the one that made the decision to end it because of his ongoing insecurity and the fact that he would get upset (and even accuse me of wanting to be with other people) if I even talked with a guy. I have a lot of male friends who are just friends, and it was getting old. He has been harrassing me, but I think he might have finally stopped which is a good thing.

I think I'm going through touch withdrawls. I miss feeling loved. I miss being held. I don't really miss my ex boyfriend much though. I've been feeling like a kid or a fool lately. I'm having one of those self doubting times that really hurt down to my core. If anyone knows how to hurt me, it would be me, right? Sometimes I have good self esteem, and sometimes I bonk myself down till there's not much left. Not sure why I do that, but not something I can stop myself from doing. *sigh*

I'm just hoping that everything will get better. Where is the sugar coated life I ordered?

Gwen

Will this ever get better?

I have had a very hard year so far, and it's only March. In January, I broke my wrist. I had to deal with loss of independence because I needed help with even the most simple things (like buttoning my pants or putting on underwear). I had an enormous amount of pain, but at least I'm through most of that. I'm still going to occupational therapy, but I've been told that I'm doing well.

Before Valentine's day, my step father died suddenly of cardiac arrest. He had been married to my mother for 16 years, and I considered him as much of a father and grandfather to my son as my biological father. It was very hard. I spent over a month staying with my mother so she wouldn't have to be alone.

I've been home for the last couple of weeks, and I've had to deal with a lot of stresses at home. I have a cat that is using my whole house as a bathroom so I feel like I can't get my house clean. I have a 4 year old child, so it's not wonderful when I'm "finding" new spots that the cat has used as a potty. My computer has recently died. Then my washing machine just went too. I'm a single mother, so I really don't have enough money for my bills, let alone to buy these things. I've been struggling to find money to heat my house, and pay the mortgage and car loan. There's not much else that gets paid.

My grandmother has recently started having trouble breathing. She went to the hospital and they drew off fluid from her lungs and didn't bother trying to find a reason why this was happening until it kept happening. They just did a scan, and found tumors in her lungs and lymph nodes. She has been a heavy smoker for many many years, and has only just recently quit. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the tumors mean to my almost 80 year old failing grandmother.

When will all of this stress go away?!?

Today is five months.

Today is five months since I met John. We’ve had a lot of ups, downs, and hardships to deal with, but it has been wonderful. John was there for me when I broke my wrist and helping me with everything because I couldn’t do it myself. When he was over pretty much all you would hear is "Jooohhhnnn, help me!" from me and my son. Not only did he help me put on my clothes (against male nature to help put them on, honestly. hehe), shoveling my driveway, helping me take the trash to the dump, but he did it all with patience and love.

When I lost my father, he was there to comfort me and my mother. He spent extra time going to visit with me while I stayed at Mom’s, even though it was a place he wasn’t as comfortable being, and it took longer to get there. For the most part he was patient while I stayed with Mom while she was dealing with the loss of her husband.

I love this man, and I’m very happy! I’m looking forward to many more good times ahead.

Gwen

Quick update...

For those of you that don't already know... I fell on 1/12/08 while bowling (going after my son's gutter ball, and slipped on the lanes.) I fractured a bone in my wrist, and had to have surgery on 1/17. I'm doing ok, but still in a lot of pain. I have been mostly been sitting and keeping it elevated, since that is most comfortable.

I'm staying with Mom for awhile because I can't do that much on my own. Thank god for a Mom's love, or I'd be stuck in with my panties twisted up and no bra! LOL

While I'm at Mom's, I'm not near my beloved 'puter, and not checking email as often. I'll try to respond t each emails, but it's hard since I'm typing one handed. *hugs* to all my friends.

Gwen