Today

As you know, today is Valentines Day. Today is also my former anniversary. This is my first non-anniversary since my divorce. I’m feeling a little down today. Don’t get me wrong, I am not feeling bad about being divorced in any way. I’m not missing my ex-husband, or wishing that I were with him. Thank the goddess and god for that one!!! It is a reminder of all of the crap that I’ve been going through with him. I still haven’t gotten any child support from him, and haven’t since November. He still hasn’t found a job, but I know that he isn’t looking very hard to find one. I’m guessing that he’s probably working for his brother under the table (and won’t tell me so he doesn’t have to pay me). He even just got back from Morocco. His parents paid for the trip, but he lounged around on vacation (and NOT looking for a job) while I was struggling to pay the bills and going to the food pantry in order to feed our son.

This day also reminds me of all of the fights that we had, all of the times that I called the cops to make him leave the house, and all of the times I left him. It reminds me of how unhappy he made me for so long. It reminds me of how he called me a slut, a fat cow; he told me that I was worthless, and that I was ugly. He knew what to do to make me feel worthless and degraded, and that has led to lasting and irreparable damage. I was lucky that I was able to let go and get away.

It has helped so much that I am now in a relationship with a kind and caring man. He treats me so well, and also treats my son very well. He constantly tells me that I am beautiful, which is helping with my self-esteem. He is very gentle with me, and very patient. He seems to be very interested in me as a person, and not only after me just for sex and nothing else. It hasn’t been very long, but I feel very blessed to be with him.

Gwen