Disconnected...

I feel like I've been disconnected from everyone lately. I have not had any time to breathe let alone do everything that I need to get done. I've also been sick, so I'm behind on everything. I've spend all of my free time just trying to catch up on school work, house work, etc.

I feel like I never have any time to spend with my friends and family. As a result I've been feeling lonely. Things are going well with David, and I enjoy spending time with him. He comes over at least once a week, if not twice so that helps. I did have David, my Mom, and my brother's family over for a visit to my house this weekend, and that helps too. I still feel alone now. I know that it's all my doing, and that I could get out there and make time to visit with my friends!!

I did have help around the house this weekend. David helped me to clean up the house, and get it ready for my family to come. It's nice that the house is less messy. It won't last long, as Azize drags toys everywhere and the house is already getting messier again. Mom did help out a lot with folding laundry, helping fix the food, helped to paint a toddler bed, and doing dishes! I feel bad when she helps, but it's nice to have the help. David also helped by sanding the toddler bed for Azize, and doing most of the first coat of paint. It's so nice to have such wonderful loved ones!!!

Gwen

Tattoo Update

have had a couple of people ask how my back is doing, so I thought I'd do an update. I have added a picture of my back now. It's mostly healed, but still has marks from where the breakouts were. I have been on antibiotics for a week tomorrow, and it has really helped that. It hasn't done much for my sinus infection, but that's ok. I just hope that the marks will go away and that I won't be scarred.

Gwen

Today

As you know, today is Valentines Day. Today is also my former anniversary. This is my first non-anniversary since my divorce. I’m feeling a little down today. Don’t get me wrong, I am not feeling bad about being divorced in any way. I’m not missing my ex-husband, or wishing that I were with him. Thank the goddess and god for that one!!! It is a reminder of all of the crap that I’ve been going through with him. I still haven’t gotten any child support from him, and haven’t since November. He still hasn’t found a job, but I know that he isn’t looking very hard to find one. I’m guessing that he’s probably working for his brother under the table (and won’t tell me so he doesn’t have to pay me). He even just got back from Morocco. His parents paid for the trip, but he lounged around on vacation (and NOT looking for a job) while I was struggling to pay the bills and going to the food pantry in order to feed our son.

This day also reminds me of all of the fights that we had, all of the times that I called the cops to make him leave the house, and all of the times I left him. It reminds me of how unhappy he made me for so long. It reminds me of how he called me a slut, a fat cow; he told me that I was worthless, and that I was ugly. He knew what to do to make me feel worthless and degraded, and that has led to lasting and irreparable damage. I was lucky that I was able to let go and get away.

It has helped so much that I am now in a relationship with a kind and caring man. He treats me so well, and also treats my son very well. He constantly tells me that I am beautiful, which is helping with my self-esteem. He is very gentle with me, and very patient. He seems to be very interested in me as a person, and not only after me just for sex and nothing else. It hasn’t been very long, but I feel very blessed to be with him.

Gwen

Grotesque

I mentioned that I had an allergic reaction to the A&D cream that I was using to tend to my new tattoo. Well, I thought I'd give you an idea of how grotesque it has become. It actually looks about 50 times better than it did a couple of days ago, but it's still pretty red and itchy. It hurts to move, and I just can't wait until my skin is back to normal!

Gwen

Going crazy!

I noticed yesterday that the area on my back where I got my tattoo was very itchy. I was expecting this, but not so soon. I can handle pain, but for some reason I cannot handle itching very well. Yesterday afternoon I looked in the mirror and found that my back was broken out. Apparently I am allergic to the A&D ointment that I was using for aftercare with my tattoo. I called the tattoo parlor and they suggested another cream that they sell so I hopped into David's truck (he was here, and his was the most handy vehicle), and went up to get the cream to switch. Since then it has gotten so much worse. It looks like a pizza it's so red. There aren't too many spots left that don't have huge itchy red pimples and blotches. I put the cream on the inside of my elbow to see if I am allergic to it, since my back seems to be getting worse instead of better. It's still too soon to tell. I am going nuts trying hard not to scratch on the tattoo. I just hope that it gets better soon!!

I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon, and when I woke up it was really cold in here. I realized very quickly that I ran out of oil again. I had to have the oil company come out on a Sunday evening to deliver, but since I had no heat I really couldn't avoid it. It's just one more thing to stress me out, but at least now I have heat!!

Gwen