It's funny what can trigger strong memories. A smell can remind you of another time, as can a letter from a friend from long ago. A song that you once listened to over and over can give you flash backs of the person you were before abuse and pain chipped away parts of you. Back when you were strong, and knew who you were. When you were whole and strong. It makes me miss that person, and wish I could be her again even for just a little while.

Weeeeeee

Blogger from my phone! Yay! What a very cool world we live in, eh? Of course it took me half of my lunch break to reset my password and get logged in. Seriously who thought it would be a good thing to ask you to type the words you see,  and not show you any other words besides "type what you see here:" That guy must have really special in a way that only a mother would love. Anywho... now I have no time for the blog I had planned. And it was gonna be good! Well, maybe ok. Haha.

Questions

What do you say when people ask you why you're following a vegan diet? I have only been following a vegan diet for a couple of days, and already there have been questions. Well, in all fairness people also asked me why I chose not to eat meat before now. Questions like:

Why would you do that. (Emphasis on the words WHY and THAT).
Are you trying to lose weight?
Why cut out dairy, eggs, etc?
Did you make the change for any particular reason, or do you not like meat?
Is it just for a little while or permanent? Are you going back to eating meat, etc?

Now I know these people are just being curious and maybe have good intentions. But I also know they don't really want to hear all about how eating living creatures is wrong or bad for you. They probably won't or can't even fully understand why someone would choose to eat such a restricted diet.

Now, let me address these questions:

Why would you do that? Well, I love animals and don't want to kill them in order to eat. I was a vegetarian about 10 years ago but wasn't going about it in the right way. When I got pregnant with my son I thought I wouldnt have enough nutrition if I stayed a vegetarian. I decided to become a vegetarian again more recently. But, when someone asked I hear myself saying "Because I want to."

My best friend and I have been dabbling with vegan recipes, which were amazingly good and made me feel good. I also watched "Forks over Knives", started reading about veganism, and felt myself drawn to the plant based diet. I decided to try it for 30 days to see how I like it. So far so good!

Are you trying to lose weight? This is pretty insulting if you think about it. That is the first thing that people usually jump to as a reason why you would change your eating habits. When they are asking if I'm trying to lose weight, they're really saying that I need to lose weight because I'm a fat slob. But in a nice, wrap it up in a bow kind of way. I'm happy with myself. If I lose weight, that's good. If not, that's good too.

Why cut out dairy, eggs, etc? Ok, I know that PETA has some pretty radical activist sides, but seriously, have you seen the living conditions that the animals that they raise to produce these products? People think they're on a farm being happy and producing products for our consumption because they love us. Or maybe a dairy and egg fairy makes it? Go to PETA's website, and look for the Starter Guide, and read the "Meet your Meat". Wow! Also, while you're at it, watch Forks over knives. It freakin opened my eyes.

Did you make the change for any particular reason, or do you not like meat? Well, I do like some meats. They're yummy. But an innocent animal had to die for me to eat that food. It's not THAT good. Try a vegan recipe by Isa Chandra Moskowitz (www.theppk.com) or from Peas and Thank You, and tell me that's not good too! Nothing with a face had to die there.

Is it just for a little while or permanent? Are you going back to eating meat, etc? I don't see myself going back to eating meat, but I did before so anything is possible. I'm pretty darn happy with the decision to become a vegetarian, so at this point I'm saying no. I did have one steak on my anniversary, but you know, it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. Meh. It's easy and good, but just means a little more forethought and preparation. That, and having a good coop that produces yummy vegetarian options is nice!

I still don't know about veganism. I committed to trying it for 30 days with the idea that if it fits well, I'd make it a permanent choice. If I spend more time cooking and planning, it's great. When I'm hungry and searching for something that doesn't have meat, dairy, eggs, gelatin, etc in it, it's not so easy. I'm thinking about what I'm eating a lot more, and I'm feeling good about it. We'll see how that goes!

Oy Vay!

I signed a 30-day vegan challenge yesterday, and decided to try a vegan diet. A couple of months ago I decided to become a vegetarian again, and had been reading and playing around with more vegan recipes, so I decided that I would like to try. I really started on Tuesday, but I’m not going to count it because I ate a lunch with cheese and sour cream that day so it wasn’t truly vegan. Yesterday went really easily. I had leftovers of the lasagna rolls that I made –recipe from the Vegan Zombie. It’s awesome! www.veganzombie.com.

Now today is another story all together. It’s more challenging. I didn’t have much time for breakfast, so decided to grab a fruit and maple oatmeal at McDonalds, and an orange juice. I thought I was doing really well until I later looked up the ingredients and found that there’s milk in the oatmeal.Where they put it, who the heck knows, but it’s there. Well, no biggie. Now I know. I had a cup of instant miso soup mix that I keep in my desk and had the last leftover lasagna roll for lunch. Then the shakiness started, as it sometimes does when my body decides I haven’t eaten enough.

So I headed to the grocery store cruising for something sweet to stop the low blood sugar shakes. It took me about 20 minutes to find chocolate that didn’t have milk or gelatin in it. I then grabbed some chips and soda. What can I say, I was shaking. Very disappointing that I have no trouble finding chips and soda that’s vegan. Even bacon bits are vegan. But I barely can find chocolate that doesn’t have milkfat, butterfat, gelatin or anything else. Very frustrating.

This is just a learning curve for me. I had never realized just how much stuff has some kind of animal products in them that you would not expect. I’m sure it’ll get easier with practice. I’m just not going to give up or beat myself up for not being 100% strictly vegan. I’m trying, and that’s what counts!

Zero Waste, errrrr, um, Low Waste, errrr Oh Heck!

A few weeks ago I was going through the stories on Yahoo after I logged out from checking my email, and found a video on a family who lives a Zero Waste Lifestyle. I was immediately attracted to it, but thought that I couldn't do that! This family lives a minimalistic lifestype in addition to being zero waste, and their house is all sleekly designed and uber sexy! Check out her blog:

http://www.zerowastehome.blogspot.com/

The more I read her blog, the more I realized that I could do this. Or at least I could try to use some of her suggestions to reduce the amount of waste that we produce even if I don't end up going "Zero Waste". Then I look around my house and am brought back to reality. I'm almost to the border of hoarderville (Also known as overtired, overworked, and overwhelmed mom-ville) I have so much stuff. My mom used to say that I just needed to organize the stuff better because I don't have closets! Well, I need to get rid of a lot of stuff first, and yes, then organize. And get rid of the dang pet smells! Oy!

So, fast forward to today. It's a work day, and it happens to be pouring out! My sweatshirt is in my car so I have to walk from the building to my car and get cold and wet at the start of my lunch break. My car is out of gas, so I went to the gas pumps and have to wait for some older lady who's not pumping but is sitting there and doing who knows what. Finally get to the pump, and swipe, Grrrr. Swipe, grrrr. Oh dangit! My card doesn't want to work. I remembered the magnet thing I had in my purse a few days ago and hoped my card isn't demagnetized. I get back in my car and go up to the store and decide that I am going to be picking up a couple of things, and I can just get cash back and then use cash at the pumps.

So, I decide I need cans of dog and catfood to medicate my pets later (sneakily disguised in the canned food), a lean cuisine meal for lunch, and then grabbed a bag of catfood. I'm dropping the cans, and suddenly I have catfood going down in my cleavage. D'OH! I realize that there's a cut in the side of the bag, but only after there's catfood, cans, and lean cuisine dropping everywhere! I grabbed a bag I thought was fine, and headed for the register. When I got there, I found a small cut in the bottom which the cashier fixed with a paid sticker. So I was distracted and frazzled. Then I realize that she had bagged in plastic cause I hadn't given her the cloth bag I had brought. I felt awful that I failed in my attempts to reduce waste - canned goods, lots of packaging, and a plastic bag!

Then ended up tramping around the parking lot trying to remember where I parked. Geesh! Let me say it again, it was RAINING! I was quite WET! I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be so discouraged. It takes time and effort to change your lifestyle! Noone can do it over night and expect it to be easy! *sigh* But at least I have me some diet pepsi!

Oy with the blogging and the kvetching

Bad blogger! Bad! Bad! I haven't blogged in, say, almost 2 years. Oops. I'd like to say that not much has happened. Well, there's been a divorce for a marriage that lasted about 5 minutes (not a huge exaggeration at all). He was crazy and didn't disclose this information early on. But hey, fajitas are too technical for him to figure out, so that should have been my first clue...

Then there was a handfasting, and a year later a wedding on Samhain. Everything's wonderful except for the crazy ex wife. Exaggerating again, you say? Well, you haven't met her. Jerry Springer would be seeing dollar signs and ratings increase if he 1) still had a show, and 2) had her on the show. Wow, she's a peach, and so is carving out my heart with a rusty spoon! Why a rusty spoon? Because it would hurt more! (Shameless Robin Hood reference)

Um, what else. We adopted Aurora, and she's sweet but it's been an adjustment period. Also brought home a cat for Zizie. Well, now he's decided that he's MY cat, not Zizie's. I've renamed him the tornado because he streaks around leaving the place a disaster area. The main redeeming quality is when I sit down for tv after Z goes to bed, I have a cuddly black shawl around my neck. A shawl that demands attention, purrs, leaves me with a mouthful of black hair, and gets offended if I shift on the couch.

Ohh, compost worms! I almost forgot! I got a call from my mail lady while I was driving to work this morning asking what I wanted her to do with my worms. Apparently they were wriggling out of the box. They all had been trying to surmise at the post office what in the world I ordered worms for. They guessed to feed a bird. Well, there are 1,000 worms in there. I'd hate to see THAT bird! Nope, they're for composting! What other woman do you know that voluntarily will have worms in the house! Oh goddess, I hope Warrick didn't strew the worms around the house while I was gone! Eeew!

On the plus side, it's Friday! As long as my kitchen isn't wiggling when I get home, life should be good until Sunday evening! Then Monday, oh no, not that 6 letter dirty word!

Equality

We have been fighting for Equality since this country was founded. Sadly enough, we are still fighting. The Declaration of Independence states "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Of course, once the declaration was adopted, it was then interpreted to mean "All White Men, but not African Americans, Women, or anyone else". We have had to fight to free slaves, women's equality and the right to vote. We have dealt with Segregation, and now we are fighting to give Same Sex couples the right to marry.

The idea of marriage equality seems to threaten the more conservative people. Maybe people that are threatened by this feel that their own marriage will be invalidated if same sex couples are allowed to marry. I don't understand this at all. People in committed relationships should be allowed the same rights by Marriage regardless of gender, or whether it is a heterosexual or homosexual couple. It's not our place to tell someone they can't get married just because they are of the same gender!!

I'm proud to be a Mainer. The Maine State Senate has just approved legalizing Same Sex Marriages by an overwhelming vote of 21-13 in favor. It just sits awaiting approval from the Govenor. Make History Govenor Baldacci! Approve it!

My Gram was an amazing woman. She was full of fire, and was the epitome of a yankee woman. As I got older, I realized just how much we were alike. I thank the goddess every day for that. I learned from the best. She was my hero and personal role model. I can only hope that I am like her.

My Gram was an outspoken woman, who fiercely protected those that she loved to the end. Even when she was nearly 80, weak from chemotherapy and barely able to walk she managed to threaten to kick the ass (her word, not mine) of someone that was harassing me. She was the type of person who told you what she felt and thought, no matter if it would hurt feelings or step on toes.

She shattered the stereotypes for women at the time. In a time when women were stay at home wives and mothers (or trying to become them if they weren’t already), she worked on a tractor in the field. When she did marry and have children, she could not be forced to stay in an abusive and unhappy marriage in a time that divorce was virtually unthinkable. She smoked, she drank, and she swore. She wore men’s jeans, hair cut short and curled, and above all else, she was herself. Not what people wanted her to be, or what society wanted her to be, but herself.

She was bisexual (I’m assuming bisexual instead of lesbian because she had been married), and lived with her partner despite what I’m sure people said about her behind her back. I grew up essentially with two grandmothers – Gram and Bobbie. I didn’t know there was anything out of the ordinary there, and there was nothing wrong with that situation. They loved each other and wanted to be together. I loved Bobbie dearly. Bobbie was a part of the family, and we mourned when she passed on. My Gram mourned Bobbie’s death for the rest of her life. If that’s not love and devotion, I don’t know what is.

My gram was also a spiritualist and was interested in mediums, contacting spirits of those who are passed, etc. She and Bobbie had attended a spiritualist church. When I learned this a few years ago, I knew there was more of a connection between her and I than I had realized up to that point. We had similar outlooks on this matter, and similar interests and beliefs.

I am thankful for the time that I got to spend with her before she died. I got to take care of her every day for three months while we all stayed with Mom. I got to show her how much I loved her by caring for her and spending time with her. I will never regret that, and will always cherish that time.

It’s been almost a year since my gram passed onto the summerland. I was thinking of her this morning on my way to work, and called out to her and told her how I missed her. She came to comfort me right then, and surrounded me with love and reminded me that she is always with me. I could not stop the tears that fell onto my cheeks, just as I can’t stop them now.

Gwen